Dealing With Grief and Loss – Looking Ahead in 2018

I know this is a new year and I usually post about my word of the year.  But before I write about my word for this year, there is a topic that I want to address because it has been very heavy on my heart this past year.  Our town has been through a lot of tough losses this past year.  I always think twice about what I want to write because I know many people who read my blog also live in our town and are affected by these losses.  But we are all feeling it together.  So I want to share what I am experiencing in hopes that maybe the words will help them find comfort.

My good friend Jeff

Less than two weeks ago, I lost a friend and an old boss from Honeywell.  He died suddenly at his desk at work.  It was a tragic shock when I received the news and it has been very hard to accept  Any loss is hard to accept; but most of the losses I have been experiencing involved an illness so we had time to prepare ourselves.  When I heard the news of Jeff’s passing I was devastated.  I am so sad and the memorial service was very touching.  There were so many old friends from Honeywell there.  It was a true testament to the life Jeff led.  He died just 3 days past his 60th birthday and one day after the celebration of his 30th anniversary at Honeywell.  Also, just five days before Christmas.  While there is no good time to lose someone close to you, it is even harder at Christmas.

How I Deal With Grief And Loss

Everyone deals with grief in different ways.  I suppress mine.  Whenever I have had a traumatic occurrence in my life (end of a relationship, death in the family, death of a friend, loss of a job, etc.), I try to take a positive approach to it; but I also squash it down and don’t “deal with it” for quite some time.  Then it starts to creep into my daily life in different ways.

How to Help You Deal With Grief and Loss

I came across this on Facebook and wanted to share it.  I know many parents recently who have been through the loss of a child, even Jeff’s mom is struggling with accepting this loss. I think that is probably the worst thing you can go through in life.  But this letter helped me wrap my brain around the thought of it.  Warning, it will make you cry, but it is a good message of hope and peace.  Something we can use for any loss of a loved one in our life.

Dear Mom, Dad, Brother, Sister, Friend…,

Now that I am in Heaven, I know that life for you there just isn’t the same. I want you to know that I hear you say how much you miss me and love me every day. Yes, I still hear you. I love you so much too. My love for you will never waiver from Heaven. I can’t say that I miss you because you see, missing you is a negative emotion and we simply don’t have negative emotions here in Heaven. And so, instead of missing you for all of the years that you have left in your life, I will Love you through them. I know it is hard to continue on when you feel you are walking through life without me, but I want you to know that I am right here next to you. I walk through your life with you now, guiding you and helping you along the way. Our relationship never ended when I graduated to Heaven, it is simply different now. Heaven is all around you. Heaven is truly only 3 feet off of your floor. I want you to look for the signs that I leave for you from Heaven. You won’t have to look very hard because I will surround you with signs in so many different ways. You see, I am limitless when it comes to leaving you signs. Birds, butterflies, silly shaped rocks, rainbows, clouds that look like me, electronic mishaps, songs on your radio, coins, feathers, oh I wouldn’t begin to be able to tell you how many different kinds of signs that I can bring into your path. When you see the signs I send, don’t let your conscious mind tell you that it wasn’t from me, because it really was. Sometimes you may miss the signs that I send you because it is hard to see the beauty in the world around you through tears and that is okay, I will just keep sending signs of love until those tears clear.

I am not missing out on your milestones or the milestones within our family. I love the way you think of me so often. I think the ways that you and the family have honored me since I journeyed home to Heaven are pretty amazing. Please try not to dwell on the day and way that I passed each day, for my legacy of love that I left behind for you is so much more beautiful than my passing. It hurts you to think of my passing and that hurt is not the best part of me that I left for you. I want you to hold on to our sweet memories that we share with one another. When you find yourself in a day of tears, please just replace one of those tears with your favorite memory of me. I will sit with you as you remember me and enjoy the memory with you. I know you would love to see me in dreams every night as you go to sleep. I would love to be there in your dreams each night as well. When you say out loud, “I never see you in my dreams”, it places blocks in my way because your energy says that you don’t see me. I want to help you with that. I want you to change that phrase to, “ I look forward to seeing you in my dreams in your perfect timing”. It will help you to place this positive focus on seeing me in your dreams when the timing is right. The reason I don’t come every night in your dreams is because you really do need space to work through your grief as well. You see, you are gaining more strength through your grief than you ever knew you could carry in life. Part of that strength is my gift to you and that gift will only make sense someday when you return home to Heaven here with me. We spend our lives there living for our spiritual growth. Some of the most beautiful and strong spirits write some of the most difficult paths and I want you to be so proud of yourself for the life you are living with all of the obstacles you placed within your path. I also want you to know how extremely proud of you I am as I watch you learn and grow from Heaven.

God didn’t punish you when I went to Heaven before you. I simply reached my soul’s beautiful goal of growth in life. I reached that amazing goal before you and it didn’t mean that I left you for one moment. I graduated to the next part of my eternal journey in Heaven. Oh, you should have seen it when I got here!! All of our family and friends who graduated to Heaven before me were right at my side to greet me when I arrived! Even the pets that we had long the way were waiting with smiles and wags as I walked into Heaven’s light! I went into a review of my life after I arrived and it was truly amazing to see all of the lives I touched there with mine. I got to re-live my life through the eyes of each and every person that my life touched along the way. It was beautiful to watch my life through your eyes as well. Don’t worry, when you get here, you will get to review your life through everyone’s eyes as well as your own and even through mine. There will be moments you are extremely proud of and there will also be moments that you will recognize that you could have handled differently. But, the beauty of those moments is that you are living and in your life, not everything will be perfect and that is just part of our growth. None of us can take back the things we could have done differently, but we sure can grow from those moments. Of course, me telling you this now gives you an opportunity to look at the days in your future differently so that you will be proud of them when you look back. I didn’t have to make myself a home when I arrived to Heaven because I already had one. You see, I lived in Heaven before I lived there on Earth with you and I simply returned to my beautiful home in Heaven. You will remember it too when you get here.

The colors here in Heaven aren’t like anything you have there on Earth! The light that fills the air lifts our souls with love for it is made of God. The Angel’s choir has such a Heavenly sound that it brings peaceful showers of love down upon you all on Earth. The weather here is perfect always. Time doesn’t exist here which is really nice too, I mean we don’t have to run around heaven looking at our watches on our spirit wrists worried about being late for anything ha ha. You see, you can’t place a time on Eternity. We don’t work here in Heaven the way that you all work there on Earth, but we do work. We work on our spiritual growth as we are part of God and we are always working on the beautiful evolution of our Souls growth and strength. Just remember as you walk through your life each and every day, that I am right here at your side. I cheer you on in your times of Greatness and I wipe your tears in your moments of pain. So what if you have a day of tears, I will stay at your side for comfort. I can tell you that I am most proud of you as you get out and live life to its fullest. I don’t want you to think that you can no longer live because I am “Gone” because I am not gone at all. Carry me with you in all that you do for I am here. The dreams that you wish you could have lived out with me in life are still possible and don’t you worry, I won’t miss them. My biggest message of all in this letter from Heaven to you is that I am perfect, don’t worry about me, I Love you, and I am with you for always, I want to see you live life to its fullest, I want to see you catch your dreams and I see you and hear you always both when you speak out loud and even when you speak silently to me in your mind. Someday this will all make perfect sense when you get to Heaven with me so don’t worry that it doesn’t make sense now. Just know that you are a miracle because you are made of God and because you are a miracle, you are capable of creating miracles as well. I Love You……

All Of My Love,

Me Up In Heaven

Live Your Life With Purpose

May this help you and bring you peace and when you are struggling with the feelings of despair and extreme sorrow, know that the one you love had a purpose in life from God.  Their time was set by him and we don’t know how long our purpose is.  So that is why this year I am trying to live my life with a true purpose.  I am teaching my kids how to live with a purpose.  It’s kind of the only way I, personally, can accept why those we love are taken from us too soon.  I have to see the light in their life and what they were here on this earth for.  When I think about it like that it is crystal clear to me what their purpose was and I want to be spoken of as highly as they were.
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Pamela Frost

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